Quitting University

I have decided to Quit University. I have made this decision four weeks ago, and I've stuck with it until now, and thus, I will now go through with it. Here I will elaborate on some of my thoughts and problems. Perhaps this will help somebody.

A Dream

During my years in high-school, it was my dream to go to a good University. I wished to learn freely, to learn what interested me, to meet like-minded people. I imagined myself free of the things I considered a burden in high-school. Boring homework, boring people, annoying restrictions, incredibly wasteful time-sinks, and most importantly, the freedom to learn how and what I wanted to learn at my own pace. Perhaps I would attain a Masters after my Bachelors, perhaps I would become somebody. I worked hard during my last school year to realize this dream. I passed all the necessary AP's and attained high enough grades. It payed off, and I do not regret a single ounce of this effort. I was overjoyed to be accepted into one of the top 100 universities in the world, located in Switzerland, my home country. My future was guaranteed, I would be someone important, I would be happy.

A Disappointment

It has been a year now since I've begun. I changed a lot, I learned a lot about myself. I am not happy living my dream. I lost my dream.

It was a completely new world for me. I was allowed to study at my own pace and I did not even have to attend most classes. I rarely met a person I admired, however. An inspirational person, somebody I would strive to become. All the computer science classes during my first year would be a repeat of what I already knew. Nevertheless, rarely, a new concept would pop up and surprise me. I was only restricted to passing the tests at the end of the semester. I thought it was great.

As the year progressed, however, I grew to dislike it more and more. I did not want to implement heaps and sorting algorithms in C, I wanted to learn Rails and the negatives of Iterative MVP's. I did not care for obscure formats and protocol, I wanted to create. I wanted to learn as a part of the creation process. I wanted to do, I wanted to make, I wanted to construct my fantasies as I had been doing before. The end tests started hanging over me like a dark cloud, a stressor directing me to study. The only reason I continued to go was job security. A piece of paper. I lost who I wanted to be by being someone else.

Social Stigma

It is really hard to make a decision on this matter without taking into consideration the social stigma associated with it. One is easily labeled as a drop-out, as stupid and of little or no importance.

Many associate dropping out of university with being impulsive and rash. It is often perceived that long-term thinking plays no part in it, that it is a decision made in the absence of thought. Often, this also comes with the belief that one will stop learning. That as soon as the "dropping out" has commenced, laziness and partying will follow. It is a widely held belief that University is the only opportunity to advance a career, that the person in question will work a menial job for the rest of his life.

Many beliefs on this matter are outdated, and some only apply to specific regions of the job market. Most are blatantly wrong, however. It is difficult to overcome such thinking, to see through what one has been taught an entire life. It is difficult to remove this pressure to follow a path many wish to follow, a path which for many may be correct.

The Road Ahead

I believe studying computer science is a mistake for me, however. A certificate can be replaced by experience and evidence of such. In the world of technology, you are free to create masterful pieces, show them to the world, prove your expertise. You are free to learn the technologies you require, free to join societies you benefit from. This road is more difficult without doubt, yet I believe it will be the one leading me to happiness.

I trust that I can succeed. As of now, I do not have much evidence of this. The next two years will be spent expanding my skills and acquiring this evidence. I believe I will be further in two years, than I would be if I, alternatively, get my degree.

I am planning to learn a new language and publish a book. More importantly, however, I am planning to finish a programming project every month. I want to be ambitious, I want to push my wall further than I can even now imagine.


I will be documenting my Journey on this Blog.

Join Me,
Simon

Love and Distance

Note: Read this blog selectively. This post is about love and distance. It's a post with the purpose of expressing my emotions and feelings. If that's not your cup of tea, don't drink it. Don't waste tea. Seriously. =)

9814 kilometers, the blink of an eye, enough to bind the heart for a lifetime. As the snow melts, and flowers break their spell, I breathe in. I remember this smell, the smell of freedom and energy, a combination of rain and sun. A lonely snowflake kisses my nose, only to loose its form, but never it's nature. Leaves whisper, as the wind relays their message. The sun shines through the trees, and I remember.

Sitting under a tree, careless. I felt the warmth of a breath, and the rhythm of a heart. We shared a universe, and it was ours. I remember, simply walking, with a familiar hand to hold. I remember watching as the birds flew by above, my mind joined them, and reached for the sun. I remember kissing in heavy rain, perfectly content, knowing that a dry place would take five steps to reach. I remember holding each other, listening to the ocean with closed eyes, being one with nature, feeling calm, as if time stood still. I remember going out in the middle of the night to buy ice cream, her head in my lap, and reaching for the stars, on a lonely wooden bench by the river. I remember her shock when the koi threatened to eat her, hearing sparrows chirp as a gong rings in the distance, her face.

I imagine her face, completing mine. I imagine the smell of her hair, the look in her eyes, the taste of her lips, the feeling of her soft, small hands. I yearn to see her paint with concentration in her eyes, to see her read with wonder, to see her cook with her weight on one leg, to see her be. I yearn to share my experiences with her; days of snow, days of rain, days of wind, days of sun. Hiking, cycling, swimming, walking, discovering, breathing, being.

Together.

I breathe out. I let go. An infinity of sensations leaves me.
They return in my next breath.

I don't ask for much, yet I ask for everything.

Persistence

It's been three years since I've posted anything, and a lot has changed.


Why did I start blogging again?

The aim of this blog is to provide me with an outlet for my ideas and thoughts. Perhaps I get to enjoy the company of people like you, reading my blog, and perhaps you decide to contribute, or perhaps you learn something, or perhaps, you enjoy run-on sentences as much as I do. Whatever the case, I believe more good will come out of publicizing my posts, than bad.

I decided to continue my old blog, rather than start a new one. While some of my old posts may not reflect who I am at the moment, I believe it is healthy to accept who you once were. If I separated the new me from the old me, I believe I would not be doing that.


My Current Situation

I finished high school, quite well, I might add, and entered a university. I just started my second semester, after having an admittedly disastrous first one. While I'm trying to get as much out of university as possible, I'm mainly going through it for future security.

For the past 9 years, half of my life, in fact, I've lived in Japan. After graduating from an international school there, I moved to Switzerland (my home country) for my Bachelors. Currently it is in Software Systems, however it could change into one of Business Informatics with a strong focus on Economics. Frankly, I will, as I did with my choice of university, pick the one allowing me for more freedom of my studies. This includes free time, and course choice.

I've found that I learn a lot faster by myself, at least at this stage. I wouldn't be surprised that this will stop being the case at some point. I just began learning Ruby and Rails simultaneously, and I'm amazed at the power and speed at which one individual can accomplish things. I'm aiming to acquire these skills as quickly as possible, while not sacrificing too much of my university performance. It is a pain to walk the line, but it is necessary.

My Future Situation

In three years, I aim to have graduated university, with a well rounded portfolio in my hand. I have many planned projects, and I hope I get to share them with my dear readers. If, with luck, one of those projects turns out to be sufficiently profitable, well then, I might consider my alternatives to higher education.

The goal of my life, is to help as many people as possible. How I go about accomplishing this, I have yet to figure out, but as of now, I aim to gather as much power and information as possible. I owe it to those not granted with the chances I have been granted with.


I welcome Discussion,
Simon